Inhale Fall, Exhale Summer

Thoughts from Michelle

Fall is a time of transition. You can feel it in the air, in people’s energy, and see it on your calendar.  Some people are excited to get back to work after a summer of relaxing with friends and family, and welcoming the change in seasons, and kids back in school.  Others are saddened the dog days of summer are over, the house is quiet, and frankly a little depressed summer fun has come and gone.  I know many parents of college freshmen really struggling, missing their teen, drama and all, as they have left the nest to begin a new chapter in their life.

As we shift from summer to fall, it is good to be aware of changing energies, not only in your body, but around you.  How is your energy? Are sleeping more or less?  How is your mood?  Is your stress level up or down?  Also notice the change around you, such as daylight, temperature, activity, moisture, the people around you.  Are you welcoming the cooler temperatures? How is the reduction in daylight affecting you?  Are you hanging out with different people than you were over the summer? Are you taking time for yourself?

In times of transition, our energy can drop.  We get distracted. Our routine changes. We forget some our self-care activities, or decide other things are more important.  While it is important to go with the flow and be flexible, it is also important to have boundaries, goals, and priorities.  As I say all the time, and I will say again, the better care you take of yourself, the happier you will be, the more energy you will have for relationships, career, recreation, and personal growth, and the better you will be able to handle with stress.  There will always be challenges.  Some stress is actually good for us, keeping us motivated.  When our energy is low, our ability to handle the stress is compromised.  Molehills become mountains. What we could deal with yesterday, today seems insurmountable.  Our thinking becomes clouded.  We move into the dreaded state of overwhelm.

If this is you, take a moment to BREATHE.  Take three deep breaths, inhaling for four seconds and exhaling for six.  Just doing this begins to switch your body from nervous energy, to a calmer state.  One where we can think more clearly, make decisions more easily, move more freely, and create mental space. 

Transitions can be hard, and they can be good.  Major life transitions such as divorce, marriage, death, moving, career change or job loss, starting school, graduating, a health crises or injury, empty nest, change in financial situation – all are stressful situations.  There is no doubt about it.  Being in excellent physical, mental and emotional health when these things happen, helps you navigate the waters more smoothly, weather the storms more strongly, and maybe even be the rock others need at the same time or in their time of need. Being strong doesn’t mean you don’t cry, don’t have a bad day, or don’t break down.  It means your lows aren’t as low or as long, your highs are longer and broader.  It means you have the energy to rise up and face the challenges you are faced with.  Hiding won’t make them go away. Neither will getting drunk, sleeping all day, or complaining.  You use your intuition to guide you.  Our feelings ARE important, for they are signs.  No one has the right to tell you how you should or should not feel.  How you feel is how you feel.  If you are feeling bad, something is not right in your world, and you know it.  Something needs to change. Your feelings are telling you that. Feeling good is the goal.  If we can feel good, even when things are hard and times may be bad, we are winning.  My mother and grandmother told me when I was 16 that I was not put on this earth to have fun.  I vehemently disagreed (with all the passion and drama a 16 year old girl has).  Having fun raises our energy. Higher energy attracts like energy. When we have more energy, we have more give the world – our gifts, our love, our money, and our hearts.

Start with treating yourself well.  You deserve it. Eat well. Move.  Rest.  Give.  Connect. Meditate.

Do something that brings you joy.  

1st Public Teaching Day

Have you ever done something for the first time and it felt so right, so natural and you could hardly wait to do it again?  You became so engrossed in what you were doing that you lost all track of time?  You were 100% present, and didn't want to be anywhere else in the world in that moment?  Well, that is how I felt about my first public yoga class.  I was blessed and so grateful to have a full studio room of over twenty people, many of them family and friends who had come to support me, but plenty who were there to just enjoy free yoga.  Three of them had never done yoga of any kind before, and several had never set foot in a yoga studio before, having practiced at home with a DVD.  I was honored to be their first yoga teacher.

I began with a reading about trusting the universe, and allowing it work in the perfect way it knows how.  I also talked about acceptance - accepting your body, your yoga practice, your relationships, your work, and your life.  I brought this up because I personally have struggled with acceptance since I was a child.  I believe acceptance is something that a lot of people have struggled with at some point in their life, and may still struggle with, but may not be aware of it.  Yoga helped me become aware of my desire for acceptance.  It helps us become aware of many things.  It also helps us accept ourselves and others.  Yoga continously opens windows to our lives.

As we began class, almost immediately I entered what I'll call a state of flow, where I was aware of nothing else except the students in the room, complete focus on them and the practice.  I moved and spoke with intention, focus, and confidence, like I can't ever remember doing quite like before.  I was struck by the focus and concentration each person had, how they both relaxed into the postures and reached into them at the same time, pushing themselves into new positions, and new awareness.  As a brand new teacher, I was witness to yoga class from a whole different perspective.  I relished the audible, communal breat and the building heat in our bodies and the room.  I was in awe of the attention each person was giving to their own practice, and could see them letting go and releasing the activity of their mind while their bodies moved.  I don't think I have ever been more honored to be anywhere, doing anything, than I was right then.  I felt as if I were a conduit of the universe, letting the love and harmony sent out at the beginning of class in the reading I did flow through me.  It was sense of connection and energy unlike any other I had ever experienced.  It was beautiful in so many ways. 

At the end, after savansa, I thanked everyone, and read a lovely passage from Meditations on the Mat by Rolf Gates and Katrina Kenison, which I'll share here: "Our bodies, our breath, our minds and our choices are being refined in the laboratory that is our yoga mat.  As this symphony becomes established on our mats, it becomes established in our lives as well.  Driving to work, mailing a letter, meeting a friend for lunch all become part of the uninterupted flow of our yoga practice.  We are doing our yoga all the time."  

-Namaste

Glimpse

10/25 - Tonight the first of seven yoga teachers-in-training taught her first public class. Anticipation was high. The studio was packed.  The air was hot.  Kate came in the room, fully present, and began to guide us through practice.  The energy in the room was incredible.  You could feel it so strongly.  The class flowed smoothly and the breath sounds were audible and beautiful throughout class.  She wrapped up our 60 minutes with her with all eyes on her, and we closed with "Namaste" - the traditional end to yoga practice.  "Namaste" means "the light in me sees and honors the light in you."  At that moment, I was overcome with emotion - joy for her, and complete awe.  I got tears in my eyes and felt a rush through my body.  It was so powerful and incredible!  I was so excited for her, and honored to be there as a witness, a participant, a friend.  If I felt like this at HER teaching, what was I going to feel like at mine?  I hoped I didn't break down crying at this point in my class.  My nervousness about my own class is diminishing and is being replaced by excitement.

Two days before Kate's public class, we met with another teacher trainer at the studio at 6:30 one morning so she could practice teaching one more time before her public class.  Upon arriving, however, Kate suprisingly stated that she was ready and gave us the opportunity to teach instead, and that she would be the student and support us.  I jumped at the chance. What a blessing!  At this point I was nervous about my public class coming up on Saturday, so I felt like I needed all the practice I could get.  I had yet to teach the whole class to anyone else at one time; just in sections. This experience shattered that nervous feeling and the not knowing. I was finally able to do out loud what I had been doing in my head and in my body over and over again.  It is one thing to think it and do it.  It is quite another to speak it, lead it, guide it, teach it.  It made it real.  It was now something I could see, feel, touch, and experience as a whole and not just in parts.  Thank you for this blessing!

Transformation

10/20 pm - Today was so amazing I had to post twice today!  I really enjoy how we start out each yoga teacher training class.  Libby, our instructor, reads from a book called 40 Days to Personal Tranformation.  Today's 2 laws were: 1) Be true to yourself - be who you are as a teacher and a student.  2) Be still and know.

Both of them hit home for me. Be true to yourself.  This is all about authenticity - being yourself, not trying to be someone else.  I spent too many years doing that.  I now know that when I am authentic, I am so much more comfortable, I like myself better, other people like me better, I have better relationships and feel more at peace.  I want this for others, and seek to draw it out of them in conversation.  I have realized I have a strong gift of intuition, and I am listening to it now more than ever.  Many people are intuitive, but they discount it and don't listen to it.  I did that, have regrets about it, and don't want that anymore.  When someone isn't being authentic, there is a sense of disconnect.  You can just feel it.  I could talk about this for an hour, but I won't.  I talk about this more in the book I am writing.  You'll just have it when it comes out in the summer of 2012!

Be still and know.  As I sit writing this, I am looking at a book of the same name by Millie Stamm sitting on my table.  I read from it most mornings.  This phrase comes from Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God."  Instead of running and doing, focus on just being. We are human beings, not human doings. When we grow up believeing we ARE our success and accomplishments, our self-esteem and self-worth become based on what we DO and not who we ARE.  We set ourselves up for a situation where perfection is the only right answer. In that scenario, we fail, and are thus failures.  This is no way to live.  I have realized that I spent much of my life living in this model, trying to please others, trying to DO rather than be, never satisfied.  No wonder I never felt successful! 

By being still, we also become quiet.  Quieting our mind allows us to get the ego, the to-do list, the worries out for the moment.  This is probably one of my absolute favorite things about yoga!  Not only do I get a fabulous workout for my body, I get an opportunity and a benefit of being still, being quiet....just being.  I become calmer, more present, and more creative.  It's like spring cleaning and decluttering your house - except you're doing that for your mind.  The focus and concentration on my practice, combined with intermittent periods of rest, and final savasana, pays dividends the rest of the day and for days to come.  I want this so much for everyone.  I am in yoga teacher training to share this amazing gift with others. Namaste.

Let Go

10/20 - Wow.  It is amazing after 14 years of practicing yoga to discover and experience a new style of yoga I have never tried before, Anusara.  It was fantastic!  It is slow, intentional, deep, introspective, thoughtful, both calming and invigorating, expansive and centering.  At the beginning of class our instructor asked us to think about a word that we would want to hold with us today and forever, living it and embracing it, and really focusing on in the upcoming year.  By putting that intention out into the universe, amazing things will happen.  That she was sure of.  If we hadn't come up with a word yet, she suggested "purity."  As I focused on this word while practicing today, this incredible rush went through my body when I was in a twist - I can only describe it as a profound sense of peace; that everything was going to be alright.  This was a huge relief!  I have been under a lot of stress lately, with work issues and challenges with my teenager - behavior, health problems, attitude, school, college planning, lying, just to name a few.  Our family schedules have been crazy with parent teacher conferences, end of varsity sports season events, my husband working a lot of overtime, and work deadlines for me, and time away from my family with my yoga teacher training.  Peace was welcomed.

This Anusara class was yet another turning point for me.  I have a tendency to analyze things to death, showing up with a pre-determined notion of how things are supposed to be and go, setting expections, trying to control, and then beieng all jacked up when they don't turn out or go the way my brain decided they should.  Where does that usually leave me?  Sitting in disappointment, frustration, and failure.  Lately I have been "putting it out there" to let go and be open, not putting limitations or designs on HOW things should get done.   If we are married to HOW it will happen, we actually are limiting ourselves, the situation, and others. God is way more creative than we will ever be.  The phrase "Let go and let God" rushes back to my consciousness.  I can't even imagine all that God can do, or how He can do it, or even the results, so letting go allows for more opportunities, more options, and even better things to come!

Acceptance

10/19 - Last night was physically difficult for me.  We taught the balancing series, which means we teach it once to our small class and do it 6 times as everyone takes turns. Then we learned the hip opening series - not my favorite.  My new term for pigeon pose is the angry bird pose, because it makes me angry when I do it.  I struggle to maintain my balance in crescent lunge, which is basically a runners lunge with your hands over your head.  The stability in my hips is fragile from the car accident, so I feel like I am going to fall over in the posture.  It seems to take an inordinate amount of strength for me to hold it, and I usually end up putting my knee down.  Here's where the acceptance part comes in - this is a posture I need to accept,  quit worrying about, stop fighting it and wishing I could do it better.   Right now, I can't do it any better, and that is ok. 

I am so wiped out by the end of class I am shaking and feel weak.  My fellow teacher trainee, Gretchen, clearly sees my weakness (I am probably pale at this point) and offers me a granola bar, which I gratefully accept.  Once I am home, I climb the stairs, one stair at a time like a toddler does, except slower.  I'm not sleepy at all, just physically exhausted and realizing my blood sugar is probably low.  Paying for forgetting my post Prana flow class protein shake!  One can't do 4 1/2 hours of yoga straight without some sort of nutrients, at least I can't.  I already know this.  Note to self - fuel up, and don't beat yourself up.  You are where you are.  I believe Popeye said something like that:  " I yam what I am, and that's all that I yam."

Two weeks in

Saturday, 10/15/11 - It's been two weeks since I started teacher training.  Yesterday was a day of successes and failures, at least that is how I felt that day.  Every day in yoga is different.  One day you are strong and balanced, and the next day, not so much.  Physically, my practice was awesome.  I felt good and strong.  I noticed improvement in a number of postures both in strength and control.  I even had a few firsts, taken some postures to a new level I had not been able to do before and even doing some new ones I had never been able to master.  I was so excited! 

And then, failure.  It was my turn to teach the first half of our series to the class.  I was excited, and a bit nervous.  I had not practiced as much as I had wanted to, but nevertheless felt ready enough.  I had visions of it going smoothly, knew what I wanted to say, the tone I wanted to set and how I wanted to start.  I left the room to come in fresh, mimicking entry into a real class setting.  When I reached for the door to enter, I found it....locked. I tried several times and could not get the door to open; my concentration broke. The door is never locked!  I had to knock and have someone let me in.  This unerved me bit, but still I started off strong.   I brought everyone's attention inward, read a couple sentences from the book I am reading, Bringing Yoga to Life by Donna Farhi, and began.  The first section went smoothly - yes!  In the second, I began to get nervous.  I lost my train of thought and the words I wanted to say.  Somehow, I managed to get through the second part without anyone noticing.  At least I don't think anyone noticed!  In the third part, I was quieter than I had planned to be, rushed through some postures, and continued to get more nervous.  Then I completely fell apart, forgetting the order of postures, confusing everyone else, and myself.  I wanted to just start over.  Libby, our instructor, jumped in at the end to start teaching us the next series to continue the flow, if there was a flow at this point.  Training continued, but I was upset with myself the rest of the day.  I vowed to practice more, schedule my practice time, and free up my schedule for the next couple of weeks.  Unfortunately, the next four days were completely packed with work, doctor appointments, kids activities and more.  Somehow, it would work out.  As much as I have going on, and my teenager being a teenager, I should be pretty stressed out about now.  Deep breath.....thank goodness I am doing a lot of yoga.